Stop tracking me down, craziness.

I mean, I try to be a good retired villain; I'm not too enthusiastic about some Rorschach wannabe bursting out of my refrigerator in the middle of the night thirty years from now.  I've plainly laid down that I'm retired (though that doesn't mean that I can't still be on speaking terms with either side of this nutty little community,) and that anyone stupid enough to try and draw me out of retirement is going to discover really quickly that in the real world, the cops don't go in for your shtick like your Youtube audience does.

Having said that, why the hell is Phoenix Jones continually popping up EVERYWHERE?!  Seriously.  What the hell is UP with that?  The guy is appearing in blogs I read that aren't even remotely connected to the RLSH or RLSV communities.  He's either the biggest fame-whore this side of Portland (Actually, I believe he is, since Seattle is closer to me than Portland...  Huh.) Or he's actively trying to figure out how to appear in as many of my RSS feeds as possible, even the ones that are about yarn and kittens and shit like that.

Yes.  I subscribe to the occasional yarn and kitten blog.  Back up; you don't know me.

Now, Phoenix Jones is talked about by Rainn Wilson on Jimmy Kimmel Live, which pretty much guarantees that Jimmy Kimmel himself is going to ask Phoenix Jones on to the program at some point in the near future. (Jimmy Kimmel and Rainn Wilson both being Seattleites, along with Phoenix Jones himself.)
Now, I don't ask too much in life; I only want a nice warm place I can work nine or ten hours a day, a nice warm place to lay my head at night, food on the table, gas in my car, and the occasional chuckle at idiots in spandex.  What I didn't ask out of life is to somehow be cosmically and karmically pursued by this moronic juicehead who seems intent on taking over the entirety of the Internet.

Phoenix Jones, get the blue hell off of my everything.

Elder God Rap Battles

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Correction on the Sarah Palin blog.

Thanks to reader Bluiis, (Again, Carol, is that you?) I see that this story was in fact one of the Internet's many hoaxes.
Website Super Tuesday News, an Onion wannabe, originally posted this story as a hoax and it sucked in a lot of people, including me.  Of course this brings to mind the importance of proper research before posting, but then again I'm a blogger and therefore not bound by any sort of journalistic integrity.

It's raining snails from the sky!  Uzbekistan is behind the snail-raining plot!  There; see how easy it is?

Michael Jackson - Thriller (A Cappella)

Take notes, Glee kids.

THIS is how you do Michael Jackson's Thriller a Capella.

P.S.  You suck.

Please don't vote this idiot into the presidency.

Um, wat?

DALLAS, TX - Potential 2012 presidential candidate Sarah Palin says that if she were president, she would deport pop star Christina Aguilera for botching a portion of The Star-Spangled Banner during her performance at Super Bowl XLV. Making an appearance on Sean Hannity’s radio program on Monday, Palin pointedly criticized Aguilera’s gaffe, and called her out for exhibiting ‘diva behavior.’

“Quite frankly, Sean, public figures must be held accountable for what they say,” explained Palin. “Here’s another case of an airhead diva going on TV, running her mouth off, sounding like a fool. She doesn’t understand something so basic about America, yet we’re supposed to tolerate her diva behavior? Americans can see through that, Sean.”

Palin also levied criticism on the Obama administration for allowing “spicy Latin princesses” to do the jobs of American pop divas. “Unemployment is at nine percent, yet we have to suffer through a performance by a foreigner with a poor grasp of the English language? If I were president, I’d deport Ms. Aguilera back to wherever it is she’s from and give Amy Smart a call.”

You do realize she was born in New York, right?  And that bumbling your words (as embarrassing as it is when singing the national anthem,) is not necessarily the same thing as running your mouth off?

Also, I was not aware that Amy Smart was even a singer.  I guess you learn something new every day.

Adventures in Teaching 02-08-2011

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This happened the other day.  Not a fun five minutes of my life.

Thank you, Photoshop Science.

Hey, did you guys know that the complete Cosmos is available on Hulu.com right now?
What?  You've never watched Casmos and you have no idea who Carl Sagan is?

By Science, it's about time you learned!

Also, Carl Sagan with an armored bear.  Just because.

By the way, that there colored text up top is a link directly to the page on Hulu. Click it for Science-y justice.